Q&A!!!

Alright folks, the wait is over! Thanks to everyone who sent in questions. Hope I didn't omit any...


You asked, I answered:




Are you going to sue Warner Brothers for stealing your life story in the film Magic Mike?

As a matter of fact, I am. Those bastards stole my life from me and didn't even offer me a Happy Meal as payment!


How long have you been writing and who's writing inspires you the most?


I've been writing since I was very young. I can pinpoint the writer who inspired me to seriously try my hand at writing: Robert R. McCammon.


What do you have in the works at the moment?


Currently I've got maybe half a dozen short stories in the works and a novella in progress. All are in various stages of completion.


If you were a porn star, what would your name be?


Buster Sassafras.


What 3 films have inspired you the most (both in life and creatively)?


Wow, tough question. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a film nut. I guess some of the earliest films I can remember seeing that wowed me were The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Alien, and Halloween. They set me on a life-long love affair of all things horror.


What movie have you seen the most? How many times do you estimate you've seen it?


Another tough question! I can't say definitely but I know that I watched the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, Wayne's World, Predator, Alien, Aliens, and The Crow A LOT when I was a teenager. Like every day.


What is your ultimate goal as a writer? To put it another way, what would be your dream job....writing a novel? Screenplay?


Honestly, my ultimate goal is to become a full-time author. Not an easy task. As far as screenplays go...I've dabbled with the idea a few times but to me it's too dry. I just can't get into it as much as writing full-fledged stories. If that makes any sense.


Have you written anything that you are extraordinarily proud of?


Yes, there are a few things that I look back at and think, "Wow, that's pretty damned good." But, if I had to pick one thing that I'm most proud of it would have to be the novel I began in sixth grade and finished in ninth grade. It's a derivitive pile of garbage for the most part but I'm still very proud that I hand-wrote an almost 400 page novel when I was so young.


What genre is your specialty? Horror? Bizarro? Sci-Fi?


Horror. Definitely horror. I have a few Bizarro stories I've worked on but they aren't bizarre enough to be true Bizarro. To me, it's the hardest genre to tackle. As for Sci-Fi, I haven't written anything like that in a very long time, and even then there were heavy horror elements involved.


If you could go back in time and change something in your past that would benefit your career today, what would it be?


That's an easy one. Finish college. That's one of my biggest regrets in life.


Is there any movie/book that you have seen that has changed your outlook on life? Why? 
What inspired/inspires you to write?


I think movies and books have played a very important role in shaping me into the person I am today. It's not possible for me to choose single examples that have changed my outlook on life but I know that there have been many of both that have molded me. As far as what inspires me to write, I enjoy it. Always have. I can give you a specific example of what sparked a story I've been working on today: I'm in Ocean City, MD right now and as I was looking out over the ocean from my hotel room balcony, inspiration struck. It just happens. I never know when, where or why.


Where do some of your ideas for your stories come from? Do they come from things you see everyday? Do they come to you in a dream?


All over the place (see above answer). Honestly, very few of my ideas come from dreams. I can only think of a handful of times where the seeds for a story were planted in dream form.


Who is your favorite musical artist and why? What musical artist has inspired you and how?


I'm a huge music lover so it's impossible to pick a favorite. I don't really get "inspired" by music. Nor do different types of music have any influence on what I'm writing.


If you could meet anyone who would it be and why? If you were only allowed to ask them one thing what would it be and why?


So many choices! I'd love to be able to hang with H.P. Lovecraft. Why, you ask? Because he was fucking awesome! I would ask him a two word question, "Marry me?"


If the little drummer boy played his drum for you, what would he play?


Nothing. He'd be dead before the first beat of his drum. (For those who don't know I DESPISE that song.)


Would you trust me to make pancakes for you if I told you I had a "secret" recipe for the batter?


I love pancakes! Bring 'em on!


What writer(s), director(s), and star would you like to make the inevitable Gorebeast biopic?


Writer: Joss Whedon
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Star: Seth Green


 If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why...? Follow-up question, what's your superhero name?


The ability to suck all of the air out of a room, thus incapacitating villains in my vicinity. Name? Oh, I don't know...Suckjob?


Who would win in a fight: Cap'n Crunch, or Captain Morgan?


Captain Morgan wins every time. He's a dirty fighter. No foe can withstand his ability to bring on a dihabilitating hangover.


If you could rename intenstines to be anything else, what would it be?


Shit tubes.


What is your favorite Pop-Tart flavor? "I don't like Pop-Tarts" or any variation thereof is not an acceptable answer, but I will accept "I prefer toaster strudels."


Honestly, I like pretty much any flavor of Pop-Tarts. Though I am pretty fond of toaster strudels...


List your top five species of aquatic mammal.


1. Aquaman
2. Poseidon
3. Dolphin
4. Orca: The Killer Whale
5. Mermaid


What is your preferred brand of toilet paper? How did you come to this conclusion?


Charmin. I came to this conclusion by shitting a lot.


What would do if a zombie apocalypse happened and what's your weapon of choice?


Hide out at my parents house. It's pretty secluded. Weapon of choice: some kind of long, edged weapon. Like a samarai sword or machete.